Journal Entry: Tue Apr 12, 2011, 7:41 AM
Yesterday I had to put my rabbit down. She had a huge tumor and even though she hadnt lost any of her feisty energy she was clearly in pain. So, after consulting my vet, I decided to end her life now that the pain was still bearable. it wouldve been cruel to let her suffer any more, out of sentiment. But even worse than making that horrible life/death decision I find looking at my other little one. We bought them (bro and sis) together when they were just 10 weeks old and they havent been separated from each other for more than 12 hours in their entire lives. My other rabbit is very restless and clearly confused why his girl/twin/life-partner isnt around.
I didnt know her death would have such impact on me. Its an almost physical feeling of loss. I was just 10 years old last time any of my pets died. The pets in question where another rabbit pair to whom we used to refer as the grumpy lesbian couple, because.. well, they were a grumpy lesbian couple. They humped each other all the time and attacked any human that came near them. When they were 3 years old a fox killed them both. I was sad, but also realized it was kinda beautiful they died together. In my opinion, rabbits need only three elements to make their life complete:
1) Food/water 2) A relatively clean place to stay 3) A partner.
Thats why I cant stand seeing Didi (the rabbit that's left behind) alone. I want him to eventually die of old age, not of loneliness. So I have to figure out a solution for this. My uncle has a farm and owns quite a few rabbits. I hope he has an old one who is compatible with ours.
Btw, Im not an overly sentimental pet owner. I dont make illusions that my rabbits appriciate it if I pet them or that they care for me in any way. Thats okay. I dont have pet to receive love. I own them because I like having living animals around. I like taking care of them. Their uncomplicated presence puts me at ease. (Plus I think rabbits are incredibly cute and hilarious animals.).
In summary, it was hard saying goodbye to my lady (her name was Doortje). Everything will be fine though. Death isnt a nice part of life, but it is an essential element of it.
Listening to: Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - Emily Browning
Reading: In The Realm Of The Diamond Queen - Anna Tsing